General
Humility to ask for help...
Pride. One of my greatest character defects. Pride has kept me from seeking help, guidance, and others' wisdom more times the I would like to admit in my life. Pride kept me from seeking any type of help, except from a close family of choice friend, during the time I was taking care of my partner before, during, and after his many surgeries, treatments, and transfusions. Fortunately, after the experience, I have amended my ways and I have a therapist, a sponsor, and support groups like this forum to share, support, and ask for help. My experience with utilizing outside support has been transformative in my life today. I still have the character defect of pride, but choose not to let pride guide my decisions any longer. What experiences or challenges have you had with asking for help or finding the humility to do so?
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Care Partner
I Need Help
For sure some of the hardest words to say in life come in three. "I love you", "I am fine", and "I need help". My favorite, is "I love tacos". I joke because asking for help is by far the hardest one for me.
Even when my body was breaking down, I could hardly get out of bed, and breathing was a chore I didn't want help from anyone. You would think my partner would not be included in the list but I think it was harder to ask him for help.
Personally, the idea that I was already a burden took up a big space in my head now I had to ask for assistance. Taking him away from his life even more. How dare I?
I was so used to being self-reliant, resourceful, and independent. I was my own man and was on my way to taking over the world. I was the one that helped people. I wore the superhero cape under my shirt ready to save anyone.
I think, if I dig deep it wasn't that I didn't want help it's that I never learned to ask. I was not taught when I was young to ask for assistance, direction, or encouragement. I was taught to figure it out myself.
Cancer didn't come with a handbook on how to break down my personal barriers, let go of cultural traditions, or how to be a man when I don't even feel human. Where is the 'how do I forget everything I learned growing up' book?
Did I learn to ask for help after cancer? A little bit. Can I reach out to folks when I feel a bit lost? At times. Am I still wearing the cape under my shirt? Yes.
Daniel, thank you so much for sharing your frank point-of-views on the challenge of asking for help. You are a miracle!