General
Being imperfect and self-forgiveness...
During my time being a care partner to my partner through his treatments for anal cancer, I made lot of mistakes. I do have the character defect of perfectionism, so I do have a hard time forgiving myself when I make mistakes. Of course, logically, being human means I will make many mistakes. Hindsight is 20/20! Right after we were told the diagnosis, I made the diagnosis about me and did not offer a lot of support to Daniel. I realize, in hindsight, that I immediately started evaluating if I could be with him through this, how would affect my life, and if he doesn't make it, do I really want to suffer that loss? I blame a complete narcissus right after diagnosis and failed to see how this diagnosis is affecting my partner and his family. As a care partner, I have realized it is critical to give ourselves the space to make mistakes, after all no one is teaching or guiding care partners typically, throughout the care process. I have had multiple therapists, meditation practices, spiritual work, and hardcore emotional outbursts to be in the state of acceptance, self-forgiveness, being able to give myself credit for sticking around, and supporting my partner through his anal cancer treatments. In hindsight, I am so grateful for my experience as a care partner and how it helped me to mature into the person I am today.
